


A 1,000 Apologies That Launched A Drink

by deawrites



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Adult Content, Explicit Language, M/M, Mutual Pining, Non-Explicit Sex, Post-Divorce
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-07 00:18:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13422687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deawrites/pseuds/deawrites
Summary: A "fix it" for "A Drink That Launched 1,000 Apologies"





	A 1,000 Apologies That Launched A Drink

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [A Drink That Launched 1,000 Apologies](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13049883) by [deawrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deawrites/pseuds/deawrites). 



> I couldn't stand having a fic where the Boys didn't end up together so, here's my fix.
> 
> All comments, kudos, criticisms and suggestions welcome.
> 
> For my wife, the one that took me less than a decade to get it right with.

Jim stood in the fenced in playground and watched his nine-year-old daughter run around a jungle gym screaming at another two kids to chase her. He smiled to himself with pride when they instantly snapped too and listened; little Barbara was a natural born leader. He supposed that she had to thank him for teaching her those skills by being a leader himself. Currently he held the position of Police Commissioner of the Gotham City Police Department. He loved his job, not more than he loved his daughter but so many times he had to place the job first. He had missed a couple of birthdays and dance recitals, but Barbara was always good natured about it and showed him what he missed by reenacting it for him, costumes and all. Jim shoved his hands into the pockets of his long coat and watched the children play. It was nice to take a break in the middle of the day to witness such childhood fun and memories in the making.

 

Barbara; now at the swings; shouted at her father to come push her. Jim made his way across the padded and dirt area to where the swings were. He moved behind her and began slowly at first then picked up speed in his light pushes to the back of her swing seat. Her strawberry blond hair steamed out behind her and Jim had cause to think of another red head from his past; Harvey Bullock. It had been a decade since he had seen the man last. The ache was still tender within Jim’s heart as he remembered their last exchange in Doochary Donegal in Ireland _: ‘It never matters to you what I want.’_ The words stung to this day and Jim pushed his daughter a little too hard and she cried out. He apologized and struggled to banish Harvey from his memory. A feat that was next to impossible and had been ever since he had met the man that fateful night of his father’s fatal car accident.

 

From twelve-years-old onward Harvey had always occupied a place within Jim’s heart. He was a mysterious mentor and guiding beacon of hope. While their reintroduction had ended in vailed violence, it didn’t alter the fact that Harvey would be in the forefront of Jim’s mind for years to come. Harvey had become the best friend that Jim had ever had until Jim had ruined it as he was want to do of all his meaningful relationships. Even his friendships weren’t immune from his toxic nature; even though Harvey declared him not to be a virus, Jim accepted that he truly was no matter what anyone said. Harvey included.  The night Jim had followed Harvey to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting proved his point in spades. Who stalked their best friend and tried to win them back via guilting and pressuring them into the act? Following his trip to Ireland to try and win Harvey’s friendship back and more, Jim had lead a more insular life then he had previously. His ex-wife wanted as little to do with him as possible apart from interacting with him in situations pertaining to raising their daughter. Other than that Jim had no friends, no love life and Barbara was the only person that lit him up inside.

 

After playing in the park Jim elected to take Barbara for some frozen yogurt and they were seated near the window looking out at the passers by on the sidewalk and stream of traffic on the one-way street. Barbara had begged for a topping to place upon her flavor choice and Jim stole one of her M&M’s making her laugh. He happily chewed the candy and glanced outside as he swallowed. Abruptly his heart seized in his chest as he recognized the car that pulled up to the metered space in front of the yogurt store. He would know the dilapidated Diplomat anywhere, his breath stilling in awe as he watched the driver step out of the car and move around it to feed the meter.

 

Harvey Bullock.

 

He wore a charcoal colored suit jacket and trousers with an electric blue button down. His trademark fedora was missing, but his beard was immaculately groomed. He looked about sixty pounds lighter, and his hair was shorter than Jim remembered it ever being. Yet it was Harvey; in the pit of his stomach the emotion blossomed and tangled through every inch of his nervous system. Harvey was back in Gotham. Reflexively Jim jumped to his feet about to burst forth from the yogurt shop and chase Harvey down the sidewalk when a tentative, ‘Daddy? What’s wrong?” brought his reality crashing back down. He couldn’t abandon his daughter to chase Harvey down; what in the hell was he even doing _considering_ such an action?

 

Jim shook the thoughts away and forced himself to sit back down. “Nothing Sweetie. I just thought I saw someone I knew that I really, really would like to talk too.”

 

Barbara looked at her mostly eaten frozen yogurt then up into her father’s face. “We can go if you want to.”

 

Touched profoundly by her words Jim placed his hand upon her shoulder and kissed her on the forehead. “Thanks Barb. But today is about the two of us and I don’t want to ruin our lovely time.” Like he did everything else in his life that was. Jim forced a smile that his daughter saw right through.

 

She placed a hand upon his arm and said, “We should go.”

 

Jim ached to follow her direction but was convinced that Harvey was gone from their sight now and that he wouldn’t be able to chase him down with little Barbara at his side. “It’s okay. I’ll find him later. Can I have another M&M?”

 

Barbara giggled. “No! You should have got some for your own.” She then relented and picked out a few different colored candies and handed them to her father. Jim thanked her and chewed the candy. Harvey had always liked candy of all persuasions; Harvey had liked a lot of things that Jim could now not tolerate without flinching in emotional anguish. He hoped that he hadn’t been unintentionally lying to his daughter when he said that he would be able to find Harvey later. Once he returned to work the search would be on.

 

Jim couldn’t remember a time when he was happy to drop Barbara at the Nanny’s house. She had kids of her own; mostly around Barbara’s age; and Jim preferred her safe with a mother and their own children than having a Nanny that came to him. Besides, with the hours he worked sometimes it was important that he not keep someone from their own family just because he couldn’t get away on time to see his own.  The arrangement worked perfectly for all parties involved and Barbara kissed her Daddy good bye and ran inside to do her homework assignment before she could play with the other children.  Jim forced himself to drive the speed limit; mostly; all the way back to the GCPD, his ‘company car’ complete with police lights and siren he had been so tempted to use.

 

Back at the office Jim barked something at his departmental assistant and slammed the door of his office signaling the rest of the bull pen that it better be damn important if they dared to bother him. Jim hung up his coat and sat down at the computer, immediately going to a tracking site widely used by detectives and the US Marshall service, and typed in Harvey’s name. The result that came back shouldn’t have surprised him, but it did in a way. Harvey was now back in Gotham and working under a current and active Private Investigator certificate number. Jim sat back in his chair and stared at the screen. It made perfect sense. A lot of retired cops went into the business. But Harvey was happy investigating infidelity cases and taking photographs of the cheating spouses? That was known to be the bread and butter of the job. Jim sighed in thought and rubbed the fingers of his left hand across his mouth while his thumb rested beneath his jaw. From there it was easy to bring up a telephone number associated with the state certificate and an address.

 

Jim ignored his ringing phone and vibrating cell and rose from his desk chair. Grabbing his coat, he barked to his assistant that he was, ‘off the grid’ for an hour or so and he left. He ignored requests from a detective and two Uniforms that tried to stop and talk to him as he barreled through the bullpen to the exit. He told all three the same thing, “Handle it!” and left. His heart was pounding, his mouth was dry, and he felt as if he were trembling all over. Harvey; Harvey was back in Gotham and Jim had an address and phone number to work off.  It didn’t take Jim long to drive to the building that boasted the address he was given. What surprised him was that they were office spaces and not an apartment tenement. Jim walked up to the forth floor and went to the ‘suite’ number listed on the address. He stopped short at the door seeing the plaque mounted on it that read, ‘Harvey Bullock P.I.”. He had to smirk to himself recalling all the trashy noir novels that Harvey had in his personal library. Harvey had loved the things and Jim had listened to Harvey read them to him with baited breath. Not because of the mysteries in them, but because he loved the sound of Harvey’s voice as it rolled over him and seeped into his bones. The simplicity of the title on the door bespoke of those tried and true gumshoes and made Jim feel nostalgic and happy. Shaking off the feeling he tried the door knob and found it locked. He knocked and waited but no one answered. Jim tried again and still no answer. Jim then went back down the stairs and walked across the street to his own car. This way he would have a vantage point for when Harvey returned to the building.

 

It was dusk before the Diplomat pulled up and happened to find an open spot on the curb to park. He got out of his own car and watched Harvey disappear into the building with a couple of grocery bags in his hand. By the time Jim reached Harvey and could see him they were on the second flight. Jim forced himself to hang back and allowed Harvey to get to his office and unlock the door. He then stood before the closed door nearly panting with panic rather than exertion. What the hell was he doing? What was he going to say when he saw Harvey’s face? What if Harvey took one look at him and just slammed the door rather than allow Jim to explain why he was hunting him like this? What if Harvey asked him to come in? Jim was terrible with words and had no answers to any of the questions he was asking himself. The disastrous scenarios played within his mind one by one and Jim felt his legs begin to shake. This wasn’t fair. Why did he had to be this way? So needy and self-involved? Why did he have the emotional maturity of windsock? Why was he such a terrible communicator? Jim swallowed and realized that somehow it was all his fault but with a tremoring fist he reached up and knocked on the door once again.

 

He heard Harvey’s footsteps and closed his eyes for a split second as he heard the knob turn. Opening them he saw Harvey’s surprised face staring back at him. Harvey said nothing and merely closed the door and re-locked it.

 

“Harv?” Jim asked through the door. “I’m not here to cause you any pain; or trouble. I just, it’s been ten years. Can’t we at least say hello to one another like civilized adults?”

 

Harvey rolled his eyes before squinting them shut and tightened his left fist. Harvey had never been the one with the problem acting civilized and he knew that Jim knew that as well. Allowing it to go unsaid Harvey snapped, “Hello! Now go away, Jim. There’s nothing left for us to say.”

 

“Please?” Jim asked affectionately. “I mean it, I’m not here to fight or blame, or confront; I just want to talk to you for a minute.”

 

“About what?” Harvey demanded through the door. He had one palm pressed against it and nearly had his forehead touching the door as well.

 

In the hall Jim faltered, fidgeting. “I have no idea. I just want to see your face, I guess. I don’t know. Can we just, not do this through the door? Please?” Jim waited a few anguishing seconds before he heard the deadbolt slide out of place. He tried his best not to smile when Harvey opened the door and regarded him.

 

“You’ve aged.” He remarked of the crows’ feet at the corner of Jim’s eyes and the deeper lines around his mouth that would later become jowls. “Captaincy will do that to you I guess. Er wait, sorry. You’re _commissioner_ now ain’t ya?”

 

Jim nodded. “You, you look fantastic!” Jim complimented a little breathless.

 

“For a sixty-some-year-old, yeah. I guess.” Harvey allowed unimpressed by the observation. “Is that it?”

 

Jim shook his head. “Can, can I come in?” He watched Harvey consider the request, his expression shifting with each new pro and con Jim knew that he was debating. Finally, Harvey stepped back from the door, decision reached. Jim thanked him softly and moved into the office. The inside looked very professional and nodded in approval. “The place is nice.”

 

“Glad you think so.” Harvey moved over to his desk and took out a Chinese take away box out of one and then a box of steamed vegetables. “Mind if I eat while you think of the next thing to say? I haven’t had a bite since breakfast.”

 

“No, please.” Jim permitted shrugging out of his coat. “By all means; do.” He hung it on the coat rack by the door and strode over to Harvey’s desk and sat down in a chair across the cluttered desktop from him. Harvey pulled a pair of disposable chopsticks out of a desk drawer and sat back in his chair with the take-out container of Chinese food and stared at Jim. “Thank you. For offering and even more so for agreeing to see me.” Harvey grunted and took a bite of food, his eyes never wavering from Jim’s as he chewed and swallowed.  “How long have you been back from Ireland?”

 

“Two months.” Harvey stated almost proudly. “And I already have a bit of a client base. Been working every day since I opened shop. What can I say? My work speaks for itself.”

 

“All good things, it sounds like.” Jim praised of Harvey’s ease of booking clients. “Word of mouth or did you advertise at all?”

 

Harvey shrugged and reached for a napkin to wipe his mouth. “You really want to talk about work?”

 

Jim glanced down at his hands which were folded in his lap, fidgeting with one another. “No.” He admitted before raising his stare back to Harvey. “I wanted to tell you that I saw you, decided to track you down and now I’d like to invite you to dinner some evening with my daughter and me; Barbara. You’d like her. She’s nothing like me.” At the last Jim gave a slightly deprecating laugh and Harvey regarded him from his chair, pausing in his current meal.

 

“I highly doubt that.” Harvey predicted with a smirk. “You have a very strong personality Jim. And it’s more than bound to rub off on someone during their most formative years.” He shrugged and looked back down into food container. “I’ll have to check my dance card. See if I can work it in.” He raised his gaze to Jim. “I’m a very busy man.”

 

Jim nodded. “I understand.” He swallowed. “Are you, are you _seeing_ anyone? Married?” The word hurt him to say; caused him damage he attempted to hide from his gaze. Harvey saw it and frowned.

 

“Was. Divorced now. Gave the last push to become a private dick. You? All cozied up with Barbara’s mom?”

 

Jim barked out laughter and did his best to cut it short. He cleared his throat and shook his head. “Divorced as well. As you said, I have a **very** strong personality.” He canted his head a little as he stared at Harvey and rested his left ankle upon his right knee.  “Are you happy?” Jim asked abruptly, wishing to discuss something true and personal rather than ghosts of questions he needed to know the answer too before this progressed any further. His heart sang that Harvey was single at least; it gave him unfettered hope which was a dangerous thing to someone as toxic as Jim.

 

“Been happier.” Harvey revealed honestly. He took another bite of food and Jim waited for him to swallow and continue. “And you? _Happy_?”

 

Jim’s slight smile vanished, and he shook his head, honesty pouring out of him as it had that night twelve years before at the AA after meeting. “I have work; and Barbara. Only one of which brings me any real joy.” He wet his lips with a quick dart of the tip of his tongue. “I’ve rarely been happy Harvey.”

 

“Don’t I know it.” Harvey mused in memory. “But you were when we were friends I bet; weren’t you?”

 

Jim nodded, the smirk returning as he realized Harvey was not judging him; trying to make him feel badly. He was just observing that Jim had seemed happy upon several occasions when Harvey was alone with him in moments of immense friendship.  “That I was.” He jutted his chin a little to Harvey. “Part of me wants to ask you if we can try being friends again now. But the other is smart enough to know that you slammed the door in my face back there for a good reason.”

 

“You smarter or just faking it?” Harvey demanded abruptly. “Because from where I’m sitting? It still looks like you’re waiting for me to save you from yourself.”

 

Jim shook his head. “I know you can’t save me Harvey; no body can. All I want now is to be able to take care of you like you used to take care of me.” Harvey couldn’t help but balk at that and Jim held up a palm beseechingly. “I took a page out of your book, used this time to work on myself; to try to understand and change my motives.” Harvey shifted.

 

“And you failed.” He accused placing the food container and chopsticks down upon the desk top. He leaned forward. “Look Jim, I’m not interested in the old song and dance. I’m sick of the tune and I’m exhausted from all the dancing. All I wanna know is, is if this time it’s gonna truly be different. Have you changed enough in the past ten years not to suck every bit of my life out of me in order for me to just be your friend?”

 

“That’s a very fair question.” Jim assured him as he placed his left foot upon the floor. Jim leaned forward as well. “The short of it is, is I believe so. But with the long, I want to ask you to spend time with me and prove to you in those moments that I have changed; that it is different instead of just saying the words. Would you be willing to do that?”

 

Harvey tapped a finger on the desk top. “This isn’t a negotiation Jim.”

 

“I understand that. I just want to show you with actions what words won’t be enough for. That’s all.” Jim sat back in his chair. “Please?” He seemed to be using that word a lot around Harvey, but he couldn’t help it. Jim knew he was begging for another chance, one that he hardly deserved but so desperately desired. “You set the rules. You choose the random or consecutive times we’re going to see each other.”

 

Harvey sat back skeptical. “And you think you can handle that?”

 

“No.” Jim answered honestly. “But for you? I’ll do my damnedest to try.”

 

Harvey exhaled and regard Jim. He was a glutton for punishment; he knew it. Jim was so beautiful, even with the weight of being commissioner upon his shoulders he took Harvey’s breath away. Made him long to fuss over Jim and see to his every need; soothe him. But it was knee jerk responses like that which had brought them to this juncture in the first place. Harvey had almost killed himself trying to be everything to Jim, and now that he had taken the matter into his own hands to care for himself, he knew that this was a bad idea. Yet a decade between them, and Jim was a father now; perhaps that had changed him; **truly** changed him. Harvey wanted to believe; dared too; but he understood what a chance he was taking with his life as well as his heart.

 

The silence stretched into minutes and Jim did his best not to squirm in his seat and demand that Harvey hurry up and cut out all the suspense. To put him out of his misery already and either agree or throw him out of the office onto his ear.  “All right.” Harvey agreed, and Jim felt like his heart was about to burst from joy. “But just like you said, **I** control when we see each other or talk. Right?”

 

Eagerly Jim nodded. “I promise.”

 

Harvey raised his eyebrows at that and sat forward in his chair a little. “Now show me pictures of this kid of yours; Barbara.”  Dutifully Jim reached for his smart phone and brought up his gallery which was filled with nothing but pictures and videos of his daughter. He handed the phone to Harvey, who immediately grinned. “Yeah, just what I thought.” Harvey held up the phone screen for Jim to see and pronounced, “just as pretty as her pops.”

 

Jim blushed a little, attempted to take the phone out of Harvey’s hand but was reprimanded with a sharp slap to the fingers. Harvey sat back in the chair and scrolled through a few more pictures on his own. “I’m **not** ‘ _pretty’_.”

 

“Yes, you are so shut up about it.” Harvey proclaimed ignoring Jim’s pouting expression. “I’ve always said that, and I’ll continue to say it until I don’t think it’s true anymore.” Which wasn’t going to happen anytime soon, so Jim just sat back in the chair to force himself to relax a little.  Eventually Harvey handed Jim back his phone. “Okay, I’ve got some work to do tonight before I turn in. Being a private eye might have less paperwork than being a cop, but it’s still got some.” Harvey waved in the direction of the door. “Go on. Get home to Babs and kiss her goodnight. You read to her, don’t you?”

 

Jim blushed a little. “Actually, she prefers to read to me now.”

 

Harvey nodded. “You always were a sucker for that weren’t you?” It was almost a fond joke, but Harvey’s smile clipped it short as it severed. “Good night Jim.”

 

Jim rose from the chair and moved to the coat rack to fetch his coat. “Good night Harvey.” He exited the door and closed it behind him. For a minute he stood in the hall way and took a deep breath to center himself. He had been given one final chance and now it was all upon his shoulders not to blow it as he had; spectacularly so; in the past. “Sweet dreams.” He stated to the door before walking away. He heard the distinct sound of the deadbolt catching before he had even taken half a step. Jim grinned.

 

That night the dream Jim had that left him drenched in sweat and shaking wasn’t a nightmare. His cheeks were flushed, and he wondered at how he could still have a wet dream after all this time. The images within his mind were powerful enough to illicit his body into response. Jim wiped a hand over his face and immediately reached for his cell phone.  He stopped himself halfway through and realized what he was doing. He had told Harvey that he controlled when they were in touch and when they weren’t. Telling Harvey that he had a dream about him wasn’t cause enough for breaking the rules; especially not when he was attempting to win Harvey back. Jim fell back against the mattress and into the pillows attempting to concentrate to regulate his breathing once more. He wished he could feel phantom sensations of all the things Harvey had been doing to him in the dream, but he was relegated to merely imagining them now. Jim sighed and ran his hands over his face and back into his hair. He could survive this; if he could survive being shot, stabbed and people trying to assassinate him at every turn he could withstand waiting for Harvey to contact him.

 

By the third day even Barbara was questioning him. Unable to cope he without anyone else knowing, he knelt before her and explained that his very, very, good friend was in town and that he was anxious to see him.

 

“Why don’t you see each other then?”

 

Barbara’s blue eyes were so wide and sympathetic that Jim tugged on the end of her ponytail and answered, “Because I hurt him extremely bad. Harvey isn’t certain he wants to talk to me much anymore.”

 

“Did you apologize?” Barbara reached up and tugged on Jim’s tie like he had her hair.

 

Jim’s smile faded. “Many times. But then I just kept hurting him repeatedly. I didn’t want too, but I did. So now Harvey’s a little scared to talk to me.  With any luck, you might be meeting him soon. I hope.”

 

Barbara pulled her lips into her mouth and canted her head to one side. “I think I will. Harvey sounds like a nice man. Even if he’s a little bit scaredy cat.”

 

Jim’s smile returned. “Well, we’re all a little scardey cat sometimes.”

 

Barbara shrugged. “Not me. Not really.” Not now that she trusted there were no monsters under her bed since she was four.

 

“Well, you’re my brave girl.” Jim leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. “Ready for school?” Barbara nodded and held up her purple colored backpack in response. “Okay then, out to the car.” When Jim reached work, he realized he had a text message from Harvey; and his heart skipped a beat.

 

‘Near HQ this afternoon. Lunch? Meet me at Doris’ at 130.’

 

Jim grinned and quickly typed back, ‘I’ll be there. See you soon.’

 

‘Not too soon. It’s only 730.’

 

Jim chuckled and held up a finger to ward off his assistant for a moment while he typed his response, ‘Hell, I’ll eat whenever you want to. Name it!’

 

‘I just might hold you to that.’

 

‘Promises, promises.’

 

“Sir?” Jim visibly sighed silently and looked at her. “The Capitan Tyson is on line one and the Gotham Tribune is on four.”

 

“Thank you, Harper.” Jim dismissed and turned back to his phone conversation. While he had been talking to his assistant Harvey answered him.

 

‘Well see how long you can keep this up, Commissioner.’

 

Pensive Jim typed, ‘In it for the long haul. I told you I want to prove myself to you.’ He didn’t receive an answer back but really hadn’t expected one. Jim concentrated on his work day and kept glancing at his wrist watch. He had Harper clear his schedule for lunch at 130 and he was about ten minutes early to the diner, found a table and waited for Harvey. By the time Harvey arrived; on the dot; Jim was nearly crawling out of his skin. He half stood when Harvey slid into the booth to sit down, which prompted a strange expression from the private investigator.

 

“I’m glad you remembered this place. It’s been a while since I’ve been here.” About ten years; Jim had avoided it like the plague due to all the memories he had of Harvey and their lives together when things were good between them.

 

“Yeah well, can’t ever forget ol’Doris.” Harvey picked up a menu from behind the napkin holder hoping that it hadn’t changed much since his previous time in Gotham. Truth be told he hadn’t gone there since arriving home either.  “How’s the mini-Gordon?”

 

“Barbara? She’s good. In fact, I mentioned you to her this morning. She’s looking forward to meeting you.” Harvey grunted once as he perused the menu. Jim watched his face vigilantly for any shift in expression either positive or negative.  “So, do you have any idea when that might be?”

 

Harvey rested the menu back between the window and the napkin holder. “Jim? That wouldn’t be you attempting to pressure me at any point, would it now?”

 

Jim cleared his throat and blushed sheepishly. “Sorry.” He reached out a hand in apology but didn’t touch Harvey. “She’s my daughter, you like kids; I know she’ll love you; I guess I’m just a little excited for the three of us to get together. I didn’t mean to sound like I was applying pressure.”

 

“No.” Harvey mused. “Of course not.” The waitress can and took their orders, returned with their drinks and the two were left to their own devices once more. “I’ve been thinking a lot about us the past few days. I don’t mind saying that I’m really skeptical.”

 

“I know you are. Nor do I blame you for being. If roles were reversed I know I wouldn’t have been as forgiving as you have been to me by a long shot.”

 

Harvey shrugged. “Don’t know. Day’s young; I could still shoot you in the face.” He watched Jim shift nervously and took a bit of pleasure in his discomfort. “But when it all comes down to the end of the day, we were really great friends.”

 

“That we were. I’d like to at least have that again.”

 

Harvey’s brow furrowed. “At _least_?”

 

Jim nodded. “Harvey, I haven’t changed how I feel about you. I meant what I said in Doochary; I love you.”  Harvey flinched a little and looked at the approaching waitress. They fell into silence once more as they were served and then the waitress let them be.  Jim leaned forward a little bit over the table toward Harvey. “I want us to be a part of one another’s lives. If it’s lovers, or just friends; whatever you can give me is what I’m willing to take.” He shook his head. “Didn’t you understand that from what I was telling you yesterday?”

 

“Apparently not.” Harvey stated pushing his plate away from him slightly. He eyed Jim for several silent seconds. “I don’t know Jim. I don’t know if I can open up those wounds and try to love you again.”

 

That hurt; the implication that Harvey had once loved him and no longer did. It made Jim’s breath come up short and he clutched the table edge a little before sitting back hard.  “I’m, I’m not asking for you to do anything that you’re not comfortable with. I’m just,” Jim paused and felt his voice tremor with overwhelmed emotions. He swallowed hoping it would steady his tone. “I want us to be a family. Whatever sense of the word, in whatever definition we choose. I just want you to be a part of Barbara’s and my lives.”

 

Harvey nodded and picked up his fork and pulled his plate a little closer to him. “I’ll let you know.”

 

“Thank you.” Was the best that Jim could respond with.

 

**Six Months Later:**

Barbara shrieked and fell on the couch giggling, Harvey was on all fours digging under the coffee table for game pieces. “You cheated you little snot weed!” He fussed at her playfully.

 

“Did not!” Barbara assured sitting back up and bouncing up and down on the couch. “Can we play Mario Cart now?” She frowned. “Board games are boring. At least the ones Daddy buys anyway.”

 

Harvey pushed himself up off the floor onto the couch with a little bit of effort. “I won’t argue with you there, but I still say that board games are better than video games anyway.”

 

“That’s because you keep losing.” Barbara giggled in taunt. Harvey tickled her as punishment then told her if she put the game away that he’d go a few races with her. Excited Barbara did immediately as she was told. She was a great kid and Harvey enjoyed spending time with her. Harvey had picked her up from her Nanny’s house a few hours ago and was watching her until Jim returned home from a Union meeting. They were supposed to have dinner together, but Harvey went ahead and fed Barbara when she was hungry, knowing that Jim wouldn’t mind if it were just the two of them later. Shortly after beginning the video game with Barbara, Harvey’s smart phone vibrated with a text from Jim.

 

‘Corralled into drinks with the Mayor and a few officials. Trying to get away. Please eat.’

 

Harvey read the text to Barbara and she sighed plaintively. “That means he won’t get home until _after_ I’ve gone to bed.” She complained. “We’re reading Harry Potter. Now he’s not going to know what happens in chapter five.”

 

“Well, not yet anyway. You can read him double the pages tomorrow night. You tell him that Uncle Harvey said so.”

 

“You’re so funny Harvey.” Barbara laughed. “Daddy’s never told me to call you that because he wants me to call you something else.”

 

“Oh yeah? And just what might that be?”

 

“Dad.”  Harvey tensed, and his Mario Cart crashed in a spectacular fashion. Upset, Barbara looked at him. “Please don’t tell him I told you! He just said it once. It was a long time ago. He hasn’t said anything since!”

 

“It’s alright Barbara.” Harvey assured her throwing an arm around her shoulders. She calmed immediately as that was something her father always did to comfort her.  “I’m not upset, and I won’t tell him.” At least not right away. “He’s not going to punish you for telling me the truth. Okay?”

 

Barbara nodded. “Does that mean we can keep playing?” Harvey nodded, and they started the round over again, while Harvey tried to pretend that the thought of being called Dad by Barbara Gordon didn’t somewhat secretly delight him.

 

By the time Jim returned home, Barbara was in bed asleep, Harvey had eaten and was dozing on the couch. Jim smiled seeing him there and quietly walked over to the sleeping Irishman and leaned down kissing him on the forehead. “Thank you.” He uttered softly. Pulling away he watched Harvey’s eyes flutter open. “Hey, welcome back.” Jim teased of Harvey’s nap.

 

“Hey yourself.” He groaned and sat up, placing both his socked feet upon the floor. “Sorry. Must have dozed off.”

 

“Can’t say I blame you.” Jim revealed pulling off his suit jacket. The tie had vanished into a pocket hours ago. “It is kinda late.” He watched Harvey rub his face to wake up more. “You want to sleep over? Just got clean sheets put on my bed yesterday. I could take the couch.”

 

“Mmm.” Harvey grunted and shook his head. “No reason for all of that.” He scooted to the edge of the couch cushions and stood up. “I can get myself home.”  Harvey was living in the would-be conference room of his office, as the office space rent was cheaper then having an apartment and office. As Harvey told it the office was nicer than any apartment he could afford regardless.

 

“C’mon Harv. Stay.” Jim requested gently holding his hands out in grand gesture. “I’ll make us all breakfast in the morning. You love the way I cook my omelets.”

 

Harvey frowned. “No, I always told you that to spare our feelings that I was choking them down.” Harvey teased with a wink. He shook his head. “Na, I’ll just go home. You and the little commissioner’s daughter can have some bonding time in the morning.”  Harvey began to gather his shoes so that he could put them on. Jim immediately moved forward and placed a hand on his shoulder as Harvey straightened his form, a shoe in each hand.

 

“Please Harvey. _Stay_.”

 

There was no disguising the love in Jim’s eyes nor the affection in his voice. Harvey swallowed and wished that he were immune to such things. It was loving Jim; being in love with him; that had inflicted so much pain upon him in the past.  If he were to give in now; surrender; he would be lost forever and never be able to climb out again. It had taken him nearly a decade of hard work to heal himself and now he was chancing throwing it all away again, merely because Jim asked him too. Jim was his curse. His own personal hell on earth; and Harvey could not help but fall in love with him all over again.

 

Harvey’s gaze misted, and he shook his head. “I can’t. It’s too soon.”

 

Jim’s brow furrowed. “But I wouldn’t touch you. I was going to sleep on the couch and give you the bed.”

 

“Jim, it’s not that simple. You just _asking_ me makes everything; so, damned, **difficult**.”

 

Jim nodded. “I understand.” He said clearly not. He took a few steps back from Harvey and allowed the man to put on his shoes in peace. They walked to the door and Harvey put on his suit jacket and grabbed his coat out of the entry way closet where they were hung when he arrived with Barbara.  Jim placed his hand upon the knob to open the door, his gaze once more searching Harvey’s gentle expression.

 

“Be careful on the way home. I love you.”

 

Harvey stuttered in his attempt to move close to the door and when Jim opened the door, Harvey straightened an arm and pushed it shut again. He lifted his gaze to Jim’s and shook his head.  “You’re going to be the death of me some day Jim Gordon. But until then?” Harvey said placing a hand upon Jim’s cheek. “You’re my cross to bear.” Jim’s lips parted, he was about to say something when the words flew from his mind without passing to his lips. He was silent as Harvey leaned forward and took his lips within his own. Jim’s eyes closed, and he instantly clung to Harvey, the older man embracing him in return.

 

On and on the kisses formed and separated, only to reform once more. Jim had never kissed anyone with the intensity and fervor that he was kissing Harvey with now. Their hands began to wander, as their mouths sealed and shifted again, and again. Harvey moaned within the kiss and Jim grabbed at his hair with a hand, satisfied that over the past six months Harvey had permitted it to grow out to it’s former glory. Now Jim had something to hold on to, he pressed his hips against Harvey’s and when they separated to breathe air once more he said, “Does this mean you’re going to stay the night? I’ll still sleep on the couch.”

 

Harvey shook his head. “No, you won’t. Because you’ll be far too busy getting fucked.” Jim grinned, his gaze glittering with excess moisture.

 

“Does this mean,”

 

“Yeah.” Harvey interrupted. “It does. Babs can call me Dad all she wants now.”  Over joyed Jim embraced Harvey and kissed him once more. It had taken him over a decade, but now and forever, Harvey was finally his.


End file.
